Grace Fbkel @ http://www.gracefbkel.blogspot.com/

You once told me... 'As long as you're happy i will be. I hope i will be.... Even though i'll get fucking jealous, i'll be happy for you.' Now, it's my turn to say it to you, i hope you'd find true love, with your next girl though i know i'd not get over you too soon. But like you said, i'd be happy for you. I wish you all the best, i'm really wishing you all the best.

Lies.

Fine, if thats what you really want. Continue lying to me, i don't mind living in denial. I thought we could just remain as friends instead of being strangers overnight. But, if thats what you really want, to think that i'm seeking attention from your group of friends, go on, think that way. Though whatever you said in that text could really make me hate you so much for saying something like that, i wouldn't hate you. I'd get out of your life, right now, this second. But you'd stay part of my life. I know we've no more hope. I don't expect anything. All the best in whatever you'd do and i hope you'd really get to know what love is..

I'd be moving to some other place soon, would update with new url. But, this blog and the posts would stay. I'd start anew. I'd be happy. But, i'd continue loving you as much as i've always did. Thanks to all who've shown me great concern and bombing my phone and other sources of reaching me, helping me to get over. I'd get over you, but i wouldn't forget you. Though scars may heal, they'd remain. Well, thats all i've to say. And this shall be my last post dedicated to you. Bye, my friend?.. And, thanks for everything.

Thinking back at the times when we hugged, when you gave me lil peaks on my lips, when you said marry me, when you said we'd last, when i first waited for you to get ready to go out, when you first carried me spinning round and round till i felt so giddy, when your warm hand held on to mine for the very first time, when you suddenly came towards me and kissed me on my lips, when you wispered to me you loved me, when you called me every night asking me to kiss you through the phone, when you felt really tired but insisted that you'd stay awake and talk to me till i fell asleep, when you hugged me so tightly, when you told me you couldn't lose me, when you acted like a leacher and gave me the sick voice, when you start acting scentific towards me, when you asked if i would like a ring, when you said that you'd be the first boyf to bring me overseas, when you did your stupid cock eye, when you posted sweet stuff in my blog, when you told my i became fatter, when you...

there were far too much for me to state down, i miss every single part of you.

everyone's caring for me, telling me to cheer up that i'd find a better guy, that you're not worth my tears, everything bad to leave me to hate you. But no, it ain't working. Though we didn't even get through one month, i know we've went through alot. Remember when it first started off? We had a big arguement. Of if we were really tgt. You said no it wasn't time, at that time, i really thought i've lost you. I cried, but it wasn't as bad as this time. And the next day, you told me you were sorry, you really didn't want to lose me, neither did i... and rmb the second chance of us knowing each other? we almost lost each other, once, twice, but yet we've got through it, i don't understand why do you wanna make it end so sourly.

you want it over, i respect your decision, but at least i should have an explanation of why this is happening, shouldn't i? So you told me 'I realised it wasn't love', i cried again. So that was what we were, we weren't love.. i asked if you've ever loved me before, you said 'No'. I can't bring myself to hate you, my love for you is overwhelming. But i know that the love i had for you, was love love. For now, i'm really afraid of love. But, i never regretted loving you, i never regretted being with you, as all my times with you were always happy. I love you, snjy. You'd always have a place in my heart. I love you...

My heart feels like a swollen heart which just got skinned with salt rubbed all over it...

Listening to the song that you sent me previously, all memories of you and me flashed back. My tears seem free flow, it haven't stopped a second ever since you said 'Should we really be together' My heart stopped, i knew that something would happen. You came out with many reasons and when i said that you never loved me, you said yes. Is that true? Is that really true.. I felt that it was somewhat true, but.. i felt that something else was going on.. though i have no idea. I kept calling you, you didn't pick up my calls. I asked if i could meet you, you said why and no. Then you brought your ex into the picture.. telling me you still loved her.

From 1am till now, i haven't stopped crying. You said you don't wanna hurt me more, i guess it's hurting alr. I tried to sleep or maybe just rest. But everytime i closed my eyes, everything about you and i ran through my brain. I slapped myself, i slapped myself hard everytime that happened.. i tried to run away from reality that you've left me. i really tried to.. but i couldn't. The moment i closed/opened my eyes, i saw you. I saw you everywhere. You told me to delete everthing about you. How'm i supposed to do so. You want me to hate you. I can't. Loving someone may hurt, but i wouldn't hate.

I cried through the night thinking.. had you ever loved me before. Thinking back, the times we spent together. When you first kissed me, when you first hugged me, when you first held my hands.. It all seemed like a dream. But why did everything change so suddenly? When i got all upset over canny, why were you the one who helped me stand up again. Why did you help me so much, why did you care. I wish you didn't, i wouldn't have fell that hard. Can you remember all the promises you promised me? A lifetime? Never leaving me? You said you hate liars... then why did you lie so many white lies to me? Why me. Why did this happen so suddenly?

I know i've been known as a flirt by not being able to last long and stuff. But, i've really used much effort this time. You were the only one that kept appearing in my mind. When i was away, i really had you on my mind throughout the whole trip. I didn't forget you. I really loved you wholeheartedly.. And now? My heart literally ached last night, i felt the pain. My head burned after knocking so many times on the wall. My cheeks were hot after slapping myself each time i thought of you. This time.. i thought i've really found someone whom i really loved. I did find you, but i guess i'm not the one that you wanna be with. You always said that we came from different worlds. But in love, isn't meant to be just you and me? I thought you loved me.. It was just my wishful thinking. I expected too much from you. You told me you doubted love. Why, why did all this happen all so sudden on me.

I still can't get over you. You've really hurt me deep. I knew that today would come, but i didn't expect it to come so soon.. I'm afraid, i'm really afraid of loving someone wholeheartly again. I wouldn't be able to love someone like how i loved you. And i still love you. I really wish that there was a time machine for me to rewind times back. I don't know what have i done wrong to you. If only.. if only it didn't have to end. I planned so much, i planned everything for a year ahead. I wanted to do so much with you after o's.. I thought you really meant a lifetime... I miss you, i really miss you. I pray to God that he'd send a lorry to knock me down and put me in coma. It's far too much pain, i can't take it. And i pray for a loss of memory...

For the last time, SNJY I love you, i loved you to the maximum. And if you remembered that 11 message long message i texted you that night.. i meant everything i said in it. I meant it, i swear i did... but you've left me. i'm all alone now..

I saw mountains everywhr i went~

Life's so boring. Spent my weekend @ msia, ipoh. Stayed at my granddad's place. Guess how old's he? 104!^^ Cool not? Such a boring place, i wonder how people live their lifes there. I mean time crawls thr and everything's so old. Mommy said that was how sg was like half a century ago! Can you imagine? Tsk. Didn't bother talking pix as everything seemed the same from the last visit last year. Well at least i'm home nao. Boring life boring life boring life...

Texted bitch straight away once i reached sg, h3h3 i even texted her when i was @ misa ^x^ Ai ni gou duo le ba shermaine ngzxs? Lols, and she called me straight away! And she told me bout the plans... fuck it. Made me so excited 4 nothing. But.. baby1's coming tml, and that bitch's cming back 4 like only 2 days. Srsly i would fuck myself if i don't meet that bitchy baby1 and clique. But.. MY MOM IS GETTING 2 STRICT WITH ME.

O's like a year l8tr, okay maybe not a full year but rounded off to a year. can't they put themselves in my show and understand that i need a life? Grace you no life bitch. Haihaihai.

Kay, enuff. Shan't post my personal feelinz' out on this s2pit lifeless boring blog. Bai ppl. Bb, i miss you. I really do...